Confused.

these feelings... Im just wondering whether im finally seeing the light now..u know..that moment when u think that all these time i was wrong, what i did was wrong..maybe everybody and he is right..theres no hope.. its over.. between him and i.. i still love him. But i think mine is fading away.. his love for me probably faded away months ago.. Its time t digest the truth.. this wont work. I should give up.. honestly, i dont wanna move on.. not yet. I shoulldnt have moved on so quickly even the last time.. but i dont wanna talk about it anymore... sigh. Theres this voice in my head that keeps on saying i should break up with him over and over again.. the voice just keeps going on and on about how a bad influence he is on me.. and that my life would be better off without him.. sigh.. but i just cant let go.. why... why cant i just hate him.. i should hate him for his verbal abuse, unsupportiveness, his love for women and stalking them, his insecurity and trust issues.. I just want to move to male' and live there..male' where everybody is..where its crowded and i dont have to feel alone for a minute.. where my brothers are and where my friends are... maybe then i can finally get over him...sigh..what am i saying..im never gonna get over him...i dont want to.. i love him so much.. i want to get married to him. But\nThe truth is..This will never work out.\ Maybe i should just keep them in my head.yet. dont know what these feelings are upto.. u never know..