Stupid face

Why does it always have to be me. Why does everything happen to me. Why does my face look like this? In all my family both my mom and my dad and my in-laws combined I have the ugliest face. Why why! Of all the people me. In my whole city I haven't seen anybody who has such an ugly face like me. I look in the mirror and I shudder everyday thinking how the hell I'm gonna cover them up today. When I'm walking on the road people look at me with pity and wonder what's wrong with my face. People who care and people who love rubbing it on my face say it to my face and ask me why my face is like this! God damn it if I knew how to get rid of this shit wouldn't I have gotten rid of it by now. My friends, my family I know pity me and I have a stab in my heart after I see that look in their eyes when they keep staring at them. What can I do. I'm trying everything I can. But truth is I have the ugliest face in the whole world and my mirror confirms it everyday. I don't know how my husband doesn't get tired of it. Maybe he does. Maybe that's why he doesn't like me anymore. He's sick of my face. Why wouldn't he be its an exploding mine yard. I wish I could somehow express how insecure I feel whenever I go anywhere. I silently keep praying to myself that nobody is gonna directly say it to my face or ask me but sometimes I'm not so lucky. The only people who haven't said it to my face are my in-laws but my mother in law constantly talks about how beautiful other girls are. Sometimes his friends or some outsider. But I think the hint is enough. 

I wish I could know why my face is only like this. No one in my family looks this horrible. It's not fair. I didn't do anything wrong. There are people worse than me out there than why do they look so beautiful. I can't even sleep at night anymore because there are huge bombs on me and it's so itchy and it bothers me constantly. Please god do something to help me. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't like it when people come and complain about one little pimple on their face when there is no space for facial hair on my face because there's so much acne. 

I don't know what to do. I hate myself. I hate my body my face. No wonder nobody loves me as much as they love others. No wonder I'm always the last one to be picked. No wonder people don't want to be friends with me. Because apparently my acne is contagious and when they start hanging around with me a week later they get it on their face too.

I remember when I was in school one of my friends got dragged away my her other friends because she started having pimples on her face after she was hanging out with me. I'll never forget that day and the looks on their face. I know that look. It's called disgust. I have seen it from everybody around me. Except my husband who's always so supportive but not enough for me to break down at the middle of the night and type this. 

And tomorrow my brother is gonna come and stay with me for three days. I'm already dreading it because he will be constantly asking about my face or his girlfriends would suggest something new to try on my face. 

I wish I could just peel away my face with my own hands maybe than a new face will grow back and there won't be anymore acne or scars.... 

Maybe one day it will all be gone. I don't remember a day where I haven't wished for this. Maybe there will come a day I will be blessed with a beautiful face that people actually would want to touch and maybe my husband might wanna kiss. Maybe someday...